I haven’t posted anything is quite some time. It’s been over a week. I even had tried writing my review of the Blink Home Security camera system but haven’t been able to write it. It has been difficult to say the least. One day things are great, I am upbeat and then I wake up the next morning…. Down. These ups and downs send your head into a frenzy, not knowing what to say or do really. You can’t really explain it.
I asked my counselor about it and described the the feeling. Her response was “yeah depression is a strange thing, it can flare up for any or no reason.”
I wish I could control it, because I know it scares my wife and definitely scares the crap out of me. I almost feel like I was better not knowing about it. Now I am conscious about it and try to hide it from people more. My expressions and feelings affect not only me, but my family and my work environment. It hasn’t changed my work, but I am sure, if given enough time it might.
Things continue to stack up on me and I don’t know how I am going to deal with some of them. My gut instinct is to shut the issues out for now. My tractor quit working on me last week and I have to fix it some how, so I will need to make time for that. Just life issues that happen, and I understand that they are just life.
It has gotten to the point where I asked about medication. I never ask about medicine. If it could help, then maybe. I am in a dads group on facebook. There are about 56k people in the group. Every day I see posts about depression among dads, families splitting apart, and the struggles that these men are going through. I don’t want to have those struggles and at the same time I want to be able to help them. I offer my advice (for what its worth) then keep chugging along.
I started Awesome Dad Gear to make a difference in dad’s lives when it comes to parenting. I only hope that someone will read this and know that hope is not lost, even in the darkest of times, and the deepest of places.