The Perfect Package
I assume most men have the same issues that I do. You want to look and more importantly feel neat and tidy, but sometimes that means days of scratching at your crotch after a small bushwhacking. Yeah I am talking about the hedges! Keeping them long and braided is so 80’s and went out years ago with the porn-stache. Neat and clean is the new in, but when you finally get that time to trim I always found myself dreading the next few days of irritation. When your significant other starts to complain at the way you look, or have hair hanging out of your boxers, its time for a trim. Your penis beard is not in competition with your face beard. Manscaped has the perfect package for you.
Taming the beard below the belt
Typically, taking a little off the top down there, is a simple task. Get some shears, or hair trimmers and go to town. The problem remains afterwards and no amount of showering can prevent it. Chafing. The shears or trimmers leave the hairs sharp and they poke your legs and balls requiring you to scratch uncontrollably when people of importance are around. It seems to me that these highly respected people trigger the itching that does not stop until you have thoroughly embarrassed yourself and anyone watching you go to town on your crotch.
Don’t pretend that you haven’t had this happen to you. Unless you are completely natural and need explorers like Lewis and Clark to be able to pee, then you know what I am talking about. The perfect package comes with the necessary items to make your package picture perfect. The Lawn Mower. A clever name for Manscaped’s trimmer.
The Lawn Mower is a handheld ergonomic electric trimmer that is small enough to be travel sized and still reach in all your crevices. Those of you without the perfect dadbod, this is incredibly helpful. The trimmer comes with batteries and several brush guards for various length cuts including skin-head, flattop, and mullet. The blades are stainless steel and supply more than 4000 cut strokes per minute. The perfect package also includes the hilarious shaving mats to catch loose trimmings for easy cleanup.
Plowing the road to success
The kit also includes a plow. Much like a normal snow plow this one includes a blade and clears your hair right down to the skin. Yeah. its a safety razor! I’m not one to take the snake completely out of the weeds, but for those who are, will like this high quality razor. It is stainless steel and single bladed for that closeness that your wife has secretly been desiring from you. The precision of the razor is fantastic, and the design helps prevent nicks, cuts and bumps. The handle is textured to allow for added grip in the shower.
Preserving the crop
So as I mentioned above, the trimming and shaving often leads to being itchy which means you look like there are ants in your pants. Perhaps the product I am most intrigued by is Manscaped’s Crop Preserver. This is a residue-free, anti-chafing, deodorizing moisturizer. Pretty awesome sauce here. This unique blend of lotion, prevented all itching after my I mowed my lawn, and that is pretty impressive since I usually do a dance around the block 3 times trying to scratch the right spot. Not only that, it helps balance PH and reduces smells, and replaces them with a very manly smell of almost old leather. It lasts all day, and even helps keep you dry. When I change my clothes after work, I get a whiff of that Crop Preserver and know that I am still fresh after 12 hours of work.
The Manscaped Spritz
This spray is for the man on the go. It revitalizes and deodorizes those sensitive areas. Utilizing a compound of aloe and witch hazel, the crop reviver refreshes the PH of those high friction areas. The anti-burn and anti-inflammatory properties make it a great addition to your set of tools, especially if you will be walking around a hot amusement park with your kids and your legs are rubbing together on your swim trunks. Cure the burn with the crop reviver.
Cleansing the Mane
Stop using your wife’s coconut herbal essences and start smelling like the man you are. Get the Manscaped Crop Clenser, a manly smelling unique manscaped scent that cleans and refreshes both your hair and skin. After a trim it is important to wash all the micro trimming off to help stop the chafing. The Clenser helps balance your skin’s PH while moisturizing and cleaning your body and hair, leaving your smelling your best.
I’m going to be honest, I love the products. I think that the marketing campaigns are hilarious, and the products follow suit. While hilarious, they also work very well. My wife has made several comments about my “enhanced” grooming over the last few days and really liked how “[my] junk smells so good.” Everything works like is is supposed to and I am most happy with the crop preserver. The ball deodorant and moisturizer is amazing. I was skeptical that anything could tame the itch but I have found the stuff. Get it all with the perfect package.
So the bad is just the size of the bottles. They are a little small. While your junk only should need a little product, when you use it every day, I could see you getting a month’s use out of it, which I guess isn’t too bad.
Try it! If you have been neglecting your curlies because of the itch, then itch no longer. Get the proper tools for the job. Order the Perfect Package kit and be properly manscaped… Your wife will thank you 😉